I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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