And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
