At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
