...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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