Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
