I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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