Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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