We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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