we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
