My room smells like vodka and shame
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
