Only a mothe r could love this liver
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
