You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
