Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
