u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize