maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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