oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
