Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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