Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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