I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
