I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
