ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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