Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
