im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Randomize