sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
