wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
