maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
