I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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