Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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