Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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