I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He did a backflip because drugs
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize