she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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