Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
