I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
