it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
