so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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