When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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