Just cropdusted the office
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
