from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize