Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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