But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
