His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize