wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
