I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
