So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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