well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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