two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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