it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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