I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
