he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
