Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
you never un-have a 4some
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
