She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
