My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
