I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Floor bacon is actually really good
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
