I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
