if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
