The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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