Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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