we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize