he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
