Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
