Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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