Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
