Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
