I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
