At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize