you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
