Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
