He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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