My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
