yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
