Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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