i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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