I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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