they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
