she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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