I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
