Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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