Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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