He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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