dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
