Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
