Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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