I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
