If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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