I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
