bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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