Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
