There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize