and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
