Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
