If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
