Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Randomize
