I think I just saw someone hide a body.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
