My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
