I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
