Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
