Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
