Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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