dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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